Ok, it wasn’t so much of an ‘escape’ but it felt like it. After the demise of the snow I finally managed to leave my town, and not only my town but I actually got beyond Hertfordshire for the day. I felt like I should be taking my passport it had been that long since I’d left my road, let alone my county. I only went as far as Kent, but still it felt like an adventure compared to the last few weeks.
Actually it was a bit of a white-knuckle ride, you see, I’ll tell you a little secret. I am absolutely petrified of the QE2 Bridge, and will, at all costs, avoid crossing it, even if this means settling for shopping in chavy Lakeside instead of the more up-market Bluewater. I know it’s pathetic and irrational, and I’m not even scared of heights, but something seems wrong about driving at 50MPH that high up.
I can’t drive next to the edge for fear that someone will drive past me too fast and whoosh me off. I’ll end up crashing into the Thames and I’ll end up in the stinking water that probably still has Victorian sewage floating in it. I’ll end up with all manner of horrible injuries, and I’ll need to be rescued by handsome coastguards who will have to take me to a hospital, where horror of all horrors will happen.
They will discover that my underwear doesn’t match.